Romans 12:15- “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
Growing up, I always felt disconnected from the world I lived in. I always felt smarter than everyone else; I always wanted to be better than everyone else. To the little that I knew, I was unconsciously preparing myself to become my best self. At 12 years old, I was teaching myself to be better than the world I lived in. I was preparing myself for the greater things that were yet to come.
Everyone needs to be connected in one way or another. Our brains and emotions thrive off of being connected to other people, to our hobbies, to anything. According to Brené Brown, connection is why we are all here.
One thing that I have learned in the last week is that I am worthy. I am worthy of connections to the things I enjoy doing. I am worthy of connection to the people in my life. But most importantly, I am worthy of my relationship and connection with God.
It has taken me a very long time to come to terms with this idea. In my head, it is a constant battle and struggle to say how I am feeling, whether it is through writing in my journal, talking to my doctor, or even my family. I am in constant fear that they will judge me for whatever it is I am thinking or feeling.
I am in constant fear of exposing my vulnerability to the world. Exposing myself and my heart has always made me feel less than, it makes me feel weak. I am constantly telling myself that if I let them see me, the real me, they are going to think that I am exaggerating or that I am narcissistic.
The thing is, what makes me vulnerable, makes me beautiful.
Learning about myself in this sense has given me a whole new light in my life. I have decided that in order for me to learn to be happy and enjoy it, I must embrace my transparency.
I cannot live my life being afraid of other people’s ridicule, their judgment; I cannot live a life in fear because that isn’t what I considered to be living.
My standards of happiness and joy are different than everyone else’s. I cannot change the way other’s see me, that is their world, their thoughts. The only thing that I have the capacity to change is my view and takes on the world I see through my eyes.
Changing my perspective is the first step in my journey.
So this post may not mean a lot to you. It doesn’t have to make you feel anything, it doesn’t have to make you see me differently, and that is all perfectly okay.
What this post is…is the first step to my self-acceptance. What it is… is my journey to discovering my happiness.
This is my leap into letting go of the constant fear of judgment that I battle with every moment of every day.
Here’s to the future and changing the way I see myself.